The Maxwell GF Barbelle Workout

By Steve Maxwell

Ingredients:

1. A beautiful, sunny beach in CA
2. A desire for results-producing physical activity
3. One motivated—preferably hot—girlfriend, and add them all together for the GF Barbelle Workout.

The results:

An amazing, strength/endurance, calorie-burning, cardio, heart-thumper that’ll blowtorch the fat while pumping growth hormone to an all-time high.

How is this done? By making use of the interval-sprint system of training. Over and over, the research shows the anti-aging benefits of using sprint-style training to elevate HGH levels. After puberty, HGH levels begin declining before slowing to a trickle in middle age. Experiments with administering HGH to elder male nursing home residents indicated a reversal of the aging process. Suddenly, old geezers in their 70’s and 80’s were losing fat, gaining muscle and chasing young nurses around—all this after sitting around like invalids awaiting their turns to die. Now, for the bad news: prolonged administration of HGH produced bad side effects. It seems HGH was indiscriminately increasing size: carpal tunnel (from thickening of the wrist bones) became a painful ordeal; increased jaw and skull size (acromegalia); enlargement of the liver, kidneys and other organs also arose. Despite these warnings, the anti-aging clinics smelled the profits and pushed the stuff on the willing—aging baby boomers—for the low, low price of two thousand bucks a month.

Well, take heart me laddies (and ladies) and fear not—there’s an all-natural way to stimulate HGH through heavy physical exertion. With the Maxwell GF Barbelle Workout, we yoke the natural, sexual attraction of being with our significant other (bumping up T-levels) to hard, interval-style training (triggering HGH release) and put these two stimuli to work. Bonus: working out in sunshine and fresh air increases vital vitamin D levels and brain function. When I see people inside dark, cavernous gyms, running on machines like mindless little hamsters, I feel sad because these people have forgotten who they are, really. Running barefoot in sand while carrying a heavy load on the back is our genetic heritage.

Here’s an example of a great workout I did on a gorgeous southern California beach with my girlfriend. It helps if there isn’t too much disparity in your size. In other words: Giant dudes with petite girlfriends, this workout isn’t for you, though you can certainly work out with a buddy closer to your size. These routines are very similar to buddy carries used by wrestlers, MMA fighters, and football players.

1. 10-minute jog in the deep sand.  If one partner is much faster, he or she goes on ahead and periodically returns to the slower one.
2. Partner carry (piggy back) for 1 minute.
3. Place partner on the ground and perform 1-minute of Hindu push-ups (partner walks ahead at a brisk pace.)
4. Sprint as fast as possible to catch up to your partner (Ah! The excitement of the chase!)
5. Hop on her back and your partner now carries you.

Repeat for 5 rounds.

6. Find a jungle gym, tree branch (or in my case, the toilet stall cross-bar in the public men’s room) and knock off a few sets of pull-ups.
7. Because of your now-elevated T and HGH levels, finish the workout by going home and having hot, animal sex with your partner. (Skip this part if you worked out with your buddy, I mean, unless you want to…who am I to judge?)

Here’s a few tips for smoothing out the workout:

1. If there’s a considerable disparity in your fitness levels, reduce times for the weaker partner.  For example, 30 seconds of both the partner carry and push-ups may be plenty for most women instead of a full minute.
2. The weaker partner can also jog, instead of walking, when set down after the carry. Now, the stronger partner has to sprint farther.
3. The stronger partner may opt to carry the lighter partner in his arms a la Here Comes da Bride—what a great way to rekindle or ramp up love flames.
4. Even more provocative (but brutally hard) is if the lighter partner jumps up from the front side (jiujitsu guard-style) encircling her legs around her partner’s torso. The carrier then locks his hands tight around her buttocks or upper thighs…nice. If the person being carried l-e-a-n-s back, all the while while pulling on the carrier’s neck, his entire spine gets tremendous stimulation.
5. The person being carried doesn’t just hang loose and passive, no—she statically tighten her muscles (especially the inner thighs) while trying to sit up high.

Finally, make sure and have a good chronograph to keep time. I have a nice Nike watch with interval alarms and a stop watch.

My girlfriend and I had a blast with this workout. It’s a lot of fun and really draws a couple close. You can exercise and have fun with each other like two children at play: free, innocent, and in tune with nature.

—Steve Maxwell